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sometimes i get lost on all the could have beens [Jun. 22nd, 2005|02:03 pm]
[i feel this way, take it or leave it: |lovedloved]
[the soundtrack of today would be: |DMB]

I would dig a hole all the way to China
Unless of course I was there
then I’d dig my way home
If by diggin’ I could steal
the wind from the sails
of the greedy men who ruled the world

Still you’re my best friend
And after a good, good drunk
You and me wake up and make love after a deep sleep
Where I was Dreamin’, I was Dreamin’

I was feelin’ like a creep
As I watched you asleep
Face down in the grass,
in the park, in the middle
of a hot afternoon
Your top was untied
And I thought how nice
It’d be to follow the sweat down your spine

You’re like my best friend
Aww after a good, good drunk
You and me wake up and make love after a deep sleep
Where I was Dreamin’, I was Dreamin’

 i miss him so much sometimes it hurts my head, other times im happy to be at the place in my life were we can just be friends.

yeah, i guess its all okay.

meet you at the bottom, mister.

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mommy this is what i want to be when i grow up [Jun. 17th, 2005|04:05 pm]
[i feel this way, take it or leave it: |exhaustedexhausted]
[the soundtrack of today would be: |hot hot heat]

i know you'll like it

The Courage of a Beach Bum
By Lance Nalley

I sat in my hotel room, looking out the window at the beautiful Northern California coastline. The sound of the white capped waves rolling in one after the other had the effect of amplified silence. In spite of the beauty and the relaxed feel of the little coastal city, I was gloomy with pessimism as I considered my future.

I don’t know if the beach conjures these feelings from me, or if I gravitate toward it when the moods strike, but I always wind up contemplating the meaning of my existence while I stare out at the breaking waves. The ocean, so seemingly endless and barren, so cold and intimidating, draws despair from my soul and reminds me of my insignificance.

Just below my window was a staging point for surfers. Cars lined up and young men donned wet suits early each morning as I watched, sipping my coffee. The thrill must be enormous, I thought, to compel them to leave their warm beds so early just to immerse themselves in frigid, gray water. I presumed it was insanity that drove them to it.

I studied the waves as the little black dots astride surfboards bobbed up and down on top of them. An enormous amount of energy was required to power those watery surges, accomplishing nothing more than giving beach bums a good ride, if they were lucky. I began silently designing a mechanism for capturing that energy and converting it to electricity. It would solve the world’s energy problems, I thought, and quite possibly my own problems as well. But I was certain I wasn’t the first person to think of such a solution.

An old, green VW van rattled up the road and maneuvered into a parking spot along the rail, and a man not much younger than myself emerged from it. He held a roll of toilet paper in his hand as he hurried to the public toilet. I had watched him do the exact same thing the previous morning, and I instinctively understood this was his routine. I imagined that the man lived in his van and surfed each morning of his life, working a part-time job making minimum wage just to buy food and probably beer.

As I looked down from the window of my hundred dollar a night hotel room, I wondered how he did it. How could he sleep in a cold van each night? How did he manage to live with no direction, no goal? How did he avoid the worries of old age and disability, and how did he dodge the urge to succeed in a world where money and position were valued above all else?

I’ve known people like him: people who wanted nothing more out of life than a cold beer and a football game on television. I’ve seen people who were happy living in a tiny room with nothing of value to their name. And I’ve tried but I can’t make myself comprehend their contentment. It is foreign to me. I have always looked toward my next achievement, my next goal. I have never been satisfied, no matter how happy I’ve been. I’ve always known I could be more; I could have more; I could know more.

Aristotle said he would rather be a dissatisfied Socrates than a contented pig. I’ve debated with myself many times, but I still don’t know if I agree. If I could choose to be that man running down the street each morning with a roll of toilet paper, would I? For me, it would take more courage than I think I could muster. But for him, I think, it is just who he is.

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imagine your a girl, just trying to finally complain [Jun. 14th, 2005|05:44 pm]
[i feel this way, take it or leave it: |contentcontent]
[the soundtrack of today would be: |ani]

I am not a pretty girl
that is not what I do
I ain't no damsel in distess
and I don't need to be rescued
so put me down punk
maybe you'd prefer a maiden fair
isn't there a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere

I am not an angry girl
but it seems like I've got everyone fooled
every time I say something they find hard to hear
they chalk it up to my anger
and never to their own fear
and imagine you're a girl
just trying to finally come clean
knowing full well they'd prefer you
were dirty and smiling

and I am sorry
I am not a maiden fair
and I am not a kitten stuck up a tree somewhere

and generally my generation
wouldn't be caught dead working for the man
and generally I agree with them
trouble is you gotta have youself an alternate plan
and I have earned my disillusionment
I have been working all of my life
and I am a patriot
I have been fighting the good fight
and what if there are no damsels in distress
what if I knew that and I called your bluff?
don't you think every kitten figures out how to get down
whether or not you ever show up

I am not a pretty girl
I don't want to be a pretty girl
no I want to be more than a pretty girl

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questions of life [Jun. 11th, 2005|10:43 am]
[i feel this way, take it or leave it: |discontentdiscontent]
[the soundtrack of today would be: |beatles]

Would you rather...

pierce your nose or tongue?: nose.... or lip

be serious or be funny?: funny

drink whole or skim milk?: whole

Are you...

simple or complicated?: complicated.....kalysa told me so


Do you prefer...

5) flowers or angels?: flowers

6) grey or gray?: gray

7) color or black-and-white photos?: black-and-white

8) lust or love?: love

9) sunrise or sunset?: both

10) M&Ms or Skittles?: skittles

11) rap or rock?: ROCK

12) staying up late or waking up early?: staying up late

13) TV or radio?: Dvds and Cds

15) eating apples or oranges? apples, oranges remind me of vomit kinda

18) being hot or cold?: hot

19) tall or short people?: tall but short people seems to be funnier

20) sun or moon?: well you can never look at the sun but i like the way it feels... but i love the way a moon makes you feel when you look at it

21) emeralds or rubies?: uhhhhh i dont really care about shiny shit

22) left or right?: right

23) having 10 acquaintances or 1 best friend: well if the one best friend would be my boyfriend then 1 best friend

24) sun or rain?: depends on the mood, but usually sun

25) vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream?: vanilla unless its that time of the month

28) low fat or fat free?: taste the same to me



29) What is your biggest fear in the world?: not doing anything that means anything with my life

30) Kids or no kids? kids, like a lot. alot alot alot

31) Cat or dog?: chocolate lab named otis, teh he

32) Half empty or half full?: half full, unless i just drank out of it, then its all gone

33) Mustard or ketchup?: ketchup i suppose

34) Hard cover books or soft cover books?: soft

35) Newspaper or magazine?: both but mindless magazines seems to be the choice most of the time

36) Sandals or sneakers?: no shoes! unless im in someone elses house then i have to have like shoes on or something

37) Wonder or amazement: wonder

38) Red car or white car?: both are ugly but i would have a red jeep wrangler soft top

39) Happy and poor or sad and rich?: um happy and poor, like i've been for my entire life

40) Singing or dancing?: alittle bit of both, but NEVER at the same time unless its someone else trying to make me laugh

41) Hugging or kissing?: hugs when they mean something, kisses when theyre good

43) Happy or sad?: happy

45) Blondes, brunettes?: browns


About you...

What time is it?: 10:11

Nicknames: allie, al, tobias, sailor

Names of siblings and age?: oh jesus, paaaaaaaaasssssssssssss

Pets?: none

Height?: 5'8

Eye color?: green, same as my grandmama

hair color?: red

Piercing(s): ears


What do you want...

Where do you want to live?: a shack on the beach when i can bearly make rent and i get up every morning and breath ocean air and my feet stick to the ground from the humidity and theres everyone i love around me.

How many kids do you want?: no more than 6, no less than 3

Do you want to get married?: yes, sometime in the next like 5 years of my life hopefully. somewhere that means something to us both. with no god related ceremony, please.

Which is better... 2 doors or 4 (on a car)?: duh four, who wants to crawl

Coffee or ice cream?: ugh no coffee, and im legally obligated to say CUSTARD

Shampoo or conditioner?: both thanks

Bridges or tunnels?: bridges so you can look into the water and spit off it

One pillow or two?: i have 4, all on my tiny twin bed... hahaha



Salad dressing?: poppy seed stuff

Color of socks?: short white ones

food?: man i could never pick a favorite, i've tryed but i can't

color?: orange, red, blue, green....... basic colors no pastels and shit

Non-alcoholic drink?: grape juice



1 MINUTE AGO: i was doing this thing and listening to the incredibles in the backround

1 DAY AGO: i was in summer school, hoping it was all worth it. taking nate and cody to get burgerking during the fire alarm

1 WEEK AGO: shit i have no idea.....i was still grounded, yeah that was lame.

1 YEAR AGO: i wasn't talking to josh because we were little shits to each other.

I AM: a fucking SENIOR, bitches!!!!


Wearing: cut off capri sweat pants, a green tank i got from one really really long night

Current Music: that i like.... iron and wine

Current Hair: up its all gross because i was camping last night... ugh

Current Annoyance: i dont feel all ready.... like half way done

Current Smell: campfire

Current thing I should be Doing: brushing my teeth

Current Favorite Show: Vh1 when i watch t.v. which is like when i visit my dad or grandma

Current Book: east of eden, steinbeck

Current Movie In DVD player: Incredibles


well damn i might as well do the other one..

20 random friends:

1- haybay

2- court

3- jimi

4- lysh

5- ry

6- grace

7- josh

8- kalysa

9- shie

10- lee

11- liv

12- em

13- johnson

14- brody

15- andy

16- adam

17- tanner

18- lauren

19- jeremy

20- travis

Who is #8 going out with? matt hamilton

-Is #9 a boy or a girl? girl

-Would #11 and #2 make a cute couple? hahaha noooo

-How about #18 and #4? lol no no no

-What grade is #17 in? graduated

-When was the last time you talked to #12? just the other day

-What is #6's favorite band? she likes dmb alot but she doesn't have a fav i dont think

-Does #1 have any siblings? yeas

-Would you ever date #3? jimi's a great girl!

-Would you ever date #7? in a different world i would marry him

-Is #16 single? i think so....

-What's #15's last name? FERRY

-What's #10's middle name? james

-What's #5's favorite thing to do? well smoke with his boys, or being with grace i suppose

-Is #13 hot? oh you know it

-Would #14 and #19 make a good couple? haha YES, pretty looking babies

-What school does #20 go to? jeff

-Tell me a random fact about #11? she once could burb the ABCs

-And #3? she once thought you could only get pregnate on your period

-Have you ever had a crush on #15? HA nope can't say i have, andys to studly for me

-What's #4's favorite color? a light yellow

-Would you make out with #14? i dont think so

-Are #5 & #6 best friends? they're dateing so yes

-Does #7 like #20? i dont think so, it would be alittle awkward

-Does #8 like #19? uh noooo i dont even know if they talk to each other

-How did you meet #2? my ex boyfriends exgirlfriends friend.

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mbahhhh [Jun. 8th, 2005|06:52 pm]
SUMMER PHOTO LESSIONS.... by allie sailor.

sudden (took me 8 times to spell that right)
                                                sudden busts of energy :

example uno:

when trying to talk really really fast but can't get in all the words, and face has sudden complusions.

example du:

when your having an amazing time with the people you are with a sudden surge make come over you and compels you to bust out your secret dance moves you save for you and the image in the mirror.(beer not always required, but results comes faster when consumed)

example thrice:

yeah, just to do that.. you need alot of energy.... no scientific explanation, nuph said. (p.s. check out that kids face watching him)

example four:

thats the look you give before you karate chop someones face in.... or wadge nuclear war on a third world country.

The end.

  and pancakes, cause they kinda looked good.

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in the suma time when the weather is right [Jun. 5th, 2005|02:46 pm]
[i feel this way, take it or leave it: |cheerfulcheerful]
[the soundtrack of today would be: |g. love]

Laird Hamilton.....
this man is amazing... seirously, go out and rent Riding Giants and you will soooo get me on this.

one word........teahupoo, like holy shit kinda thing, you know what i mean? that mans like not even HUMAN

kelly slater, a man who i would like to meet... and make out with. but also just an amazing surfer....check it out...

yeah you tell me that isn't the hottest thing... like ever

uh, ben haper..... just for the hell of it

my future kids............

only shoes out there worth spending more than 20 bucks on, even though my dad tells me you used to get them for 5.

two of my favorite things in the world...polaroids and amusement parks!


the end.

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and youd push me down [May. 29th, 2005|01:49 am]
[i feel this way, take it or leave it: |draineddrained]
[the soundtrack of today would be: |all over you]


today i drove around in my car for about an hour and a half, doing absolutly nothing. led me to calling someone who i swore i would avoid, only to have them to busy for me... which made me even more mad at the fact that i called them. i talked to kalysa and for the first time in a while i didn't feel like i needed her to give me advice. i know i have shitty luck lately with absolutley everything in my life, but i've come to the conclusion that i can't worry about it. its draining-energysucking-gettingmenowwhere and so i've just let it fly away.

be gone worries.

i finished a song tonight, which made me feel accomplished. also made me realise i have about 9 other ones i need to finish as well. i know that my songs are getting better but im just worried if i can pull all my shit together by this friday. my dear old dah is mailing me his pick up and i have yet to buy a capo and some picks. everytime i go to mcquire its closed. lame.

speaking of lame.

i saw this kid tonight and my first thought was... whoa hes a vegetable. like holy hell, he just sat there with this stupid look on his face and looked at me. this kid used to me so with it, so quick and full of live and shit and now i look at him and i just want to shake my head and go...

"damn shame"

im a senior. hah ha haaaaaaaaa. just being able to say that relives so much tension off my shoulders. like yeah you do get there eventually, people arn't just makeing it up. there is light at the end of the tunnel. i just hope that i can get into a california school with my lazy ass grades that i have. shit which reminds me i should probually figure out when SATs are considering i need to take them and all... damnnit i'm such a procrastinator.

word of wisdom at 1:24 at night; amoxicillion will give you the shits on an empty stomach.

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stunned into meaningless words that couldn't ever discribe the huge statisfaction i have right now. [May. 26th, 2005|12:37 pm]
[i feel this way, take it or leave it: |bouncybouncy]
[the soundtrack of today would be: |do you know what it feels like, being alone?]

last day of school bitches!
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always waiting on you [May. 25th, 2005|07:55 pm]
[i feel this way, take it or leave it: |aggravatedaggravated]
[the soundtrack of today would be: |ben harper]

sometimes i feel like running away from my problems, and im not talking like dont pick up my phone and avoid them in the halls. its more like buy a ticket, hop on a flight and go be happy somewhere else. i just kinda sat around today with this dumb look on my face, it was lame. theres so many things that went on in my head when i was sitting next to him, and it just blows my mind that those thoughts can still be there after all this shit has happened. its scary that we have something with so much of  both of us in it and we treat each other like shit. thats a risk i no longer want to take with him.

but i miss him.... maybe the thought of him.


damn. today could have been so much better than it was. why is it so hard to find someone who just wants to be with you, to hang out whenever you two both have time. all i want for my senior year is someone whose my best friend, someone who i can count on and i can fight with without it turning into something huge. but i dont even know if that person exsists and im sick and tired of putting myself out there just to wind up getting dissapointed. people make shit way to fucking complicated for me. i hate it when it complicated, i really really do.


im way sad right now over some stupid boy...


will it ever end? honestly people do you think it will?

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i wake up in the morning [May. 23rd, 2005|08:17 pm]
[i feel this way, take it or leave it: |giddygiddy]
[the soundtrack of today would be: |um ani, helah?]

Life used to be life-like
Now it's more like showbiz
I wake up in the night
And I don't know where the bathroom is
And I don't know what town I'm in
Or what sky I am under
And I wake up in the darkness and I
Don't have the will anymore to wonder
Everyone has a skeleton
And a closet to keep it in
And your mine
Every song has a you
A you that the singer sings to
And you're it this time
Baby, you're it this time

When I need to wipe my face
I use the back of my hand
And I like to take up space
Just because I can
And I use my dress
To wipe up my drink
I care less and less
What people think
And you are so lame
You always dissapoint me
It's kind of like our running joke
But it's really not funny
And I just want you to live up to
The image of you I create
I see you and I'm so unsatisfied
I see you and I dilate

So I'll walk the plank
And I'll jump with a smile
If I'm gonna go down
I'm gonna do it with style
And you won't see me surrender
You won't hear me confess
'Cuz you've left me with nothing
But I've worked with less
And I learn every room long enough
To make it to the door
And then I hear it click shut behind me
And every key works differently
I forget everytime
And forgetting defines me
That's what defines me

When I say you sucked my brain out
The English translation is I am in love with you
And it is no fun
But I don't use words like love
'Cuz works like that don't matter
But don't look so offended
You know, you should be flattered
And I wake up in the night
In some big hotel bed
And my hands grope for the light
And my hands grope for my head
The world is my oyster
The road is my home
And I know that I'm better off alone

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